Simply Resistible
By Kamal
Sunavala
A while ago
I had written an article about going to see
Moliere's play L'Ecole des Femmes. In that I had concluded
that it is pitiable that there are men like the male protagonist
Arnolphe who see women as little more than chattel. I used
to think Czech men were cads in the way they treated their
women but our dear friends across the Atlantic, as usual,
must prove that they are one step ahead.
Cut to a quiet afternoon at a takeaway
restaurant with three people waiting for a late lunch.
Me and two American men in their twenties. This is the
conversation I overheard while waiting for my lunch and
trying to read Half a life by V. S. Naipaul. Let's call
them Tom and Dick although by the end of it you'll probably
think they should both have been named the latter.
Tom: So I went out with Petra last night.
Dick: Oh yeah? How was it? Anything interesting happen?
Tom: Totally not. She started gettin all sweet and mushy.
Dick: Yuck. Jesus man, I thought she was meant to be a
one night thing.
Tom: Hey, she called me. And she had a friend so I thought
why not? Maybe her friend is better. I mean Petra doesn't
really have a nice rack on her, you know?
Dick: Don't waste your time man!
Tom: I know right. Like I'm looking for love in the Czech
Republic. But these Czech girls man, they're like beggin
for it, right?
Dick: Oh I know what you mean. I mean I've been here almost
a year and all I have to do is stand in a bar with my American
accent and these tits are in my face.
Tom: I know! It's great, isn't it? But I am kinda getting
sick of Petra. I mean we've been out for like what, four
dates, and she's gettin all cosy and shit.
Dick: Well, if she wants to have sex what's your problem?
Tom: No problem, I just don't wanna have a girlfriend here,
you know.
Dick: Don't worry about that. Czech girls are into sex.
A lot. You can like disappear totally. Tell her you're
going back to America!
Tom: I can do that, can't I?
Dick: She probably has a boyfriend you know. I know a thing
or two about Czech girls. They're two-timing bitches for
the most part. I mean they always have it in the back of
their heads right, that he has an American passport. My
boyfriend is like from Olomuc or some dumbass place like
that.
Tom: Conniving bitches aren't they?
Dick: Yeah, don't fall for the sweet act. They all want
the same thing you do. And a little more.
Tom: Which I don't.
Dick: No way! So did you meet the friend?
Tom: Yeah, you'd like her. Your type!
Dick: Fix up something for the weekend then. If she's got
a body I have the condoms.
Tom: Oh she has a body to die for! Infact, I'm going to
dump Petra and call Lenka and ask her if she has a friend.
That way, all we have to do on Friday is buy booze and
let things move from there.
Dick: Yeah, a couple of drinks is usually good for them.
Also like it helps to tell them how different they are
from American girls and that's why you like them.
Tom: Where do you pick up these things?
Dick: Hey man, I live here. I know how to work these girls.
As I said, they don't have anything better and don't feel
bad about it because they're cheating on someone too.
Tom: Right, oh hey, talking of that, my girlfriend's coming
to visit next week.
Dick: No way! Mine's coming at the end of the month!
I kid you not.
Mercifully, my lunch was ready. But by then, I had lost
all appetite for it.
|